Babysitting
by lulamaemobster
Summary: Super S Ranked Mission For The Planet!


**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO AND/OR THE CHARACTERS**

**WHY THE HELL DO I NEED A DISCLAIMER? I'M APART OF THE ULTIMATE ALLIANCE OF AUTHORS, WE'LL SUE KISHIMOTO. ;-b**

Naruto, Teams Asuma and Kurenai were sitting at Kurenai's house having a meeting of the utmost importance.

"Now, this is very troublesome but we…" Shikamaru said starting the meeting until he noticed that Naruto wasn't paying attention. "You wanna join us here, Hero Boy!"

"Oh, dude, I'm so on it," Naruto said reading a Leaf Village Newsletter obviously not listening.

Upon further inspection, they found that the headline read "Naruto Saves The Universe Including Marvel, DC, and The Matrix."

"Come on," Shikamaru said annoyed.

"Man, that's what it's all about," Naruto said putting the newsletter down. "What's up?"

"What's up is our meeting," Shikamaru added. "This is a very important mission, we have to…"

"What?" Naruto asked on the edge of his seat.

"…baby-sit Asu."

"What?" Ino asked.

"Did Kurenai bump her fuckin' head?" Naruto asked. "Why'd she ask us of all people? We can barely take care of ourselves let alone a baby."

"Yeah," Kiba said.

"Because she trusts us," Choji said throwing himself into the mission with his comrade at arms. "Besides, this will be a piece of cake, how hard could it be to take care of a kid?"

"Well, we can look at this as good practice," Hinata said trying to bring everyone together.

"Look," Shikamaru said. "This is the mission, I'm sorry we're not chasing after and obsessing over some traitor just because he's supposed to be your friend."

Choji and Ino could see that Shikamaru hit a sore spot with Naruto.

"You just crossed the line," Naruto said getting up.

"I didn't know there was a line, Naruto." Shikamaru said.

"I got three words for you, okay? Temari's fuckin' Kiba."

Choji leapt up to hold Naruto back from attacking Shikamaru while Ino and Hinata stopped Shikmaru from attacking Kiba.

"Smooth move, you dorks," Ino said. "You woke her up."

They all stopped as they could hear Asu crying in her crib from the other room, Ino went and brought her out of the room and laid her cradle on the living room table.

"What are we going to do about this?" she asked. "This could've been easy but no, you three had to be yourselves."

"Look," Shikamaru said. "Don't make this more troublesome that it has to be, Kurenai's only going to be gone for a day."

"Well, we need to figure out why she's crying," Naruto said. "Maybe we need to change her."

Hinata, Ino, Kiba, Naruto, Shikamaru, and Shino looked at each other know what had to be done.

"Not it," they all shouted in unison.

"Shit," Choji said undoing her diaper to check.

He started slowly anticipating the horror that he was in for, he undid the final part and pulled the diaper loose to find nothing letting out a huge sigh of relief.

"That was a close one."

"But why is she crying?" Kiba asked. "Do you have any idea, Shino?"

"Shino's here?" Naruto asked finally spotting him in the corner. "Wow, he was so mellow I didn't notice him sitting there."

Naruto soon realized that Shino was one of the few people that he hadn't spoken to after defeating all of the enemies of peace.

"Hey, Shino," Naruto said walking over to him. "So, what do you think about all of this peace that's floating around."

"It's nice until Kishimoto creates another B.S. reason for you to be fighting Sasuke," Shino answered. "Then you're screwed."

Naruto leaned over to get face to face with Shino.

"Uhn," Naruto said challengingly

"Kishimoto's Plot Jutsu would kick your ass."

"Uhn.:

"Calm down," Shikamaru said trying to defuse the situation as he, Choji, and Kiba try to break them up. "You're about to be a kage, Naruto. Stop being so troublesome."

"You wanna make to being a jonin?" Naruto asked Shino who was now getting up.

"Cool it, Shino," Kiba said.

"Just stay in the chair and we'll be fine," Naruto said.

After finally putting and end to the conflict, the guys finally rejoined Hinata and Ino who were still trying to comfort Asu.

"Maybe she's hungry," Hinata said.

"Maybe," Ino said. "I'm sure Kurenai left some milk, do you know where it is?"

"Yes," Hinata said going retrieve it.

"If she's anything like me," Choji said. "She likes fresh squeezed."

"Well, where are we going to get fresh squeezed breast milk right now?" Ino asked.

"What about you?" Kiba asked.

"I don't have any milk," she said. "I've never even had a kid."

"Well, why don't you let us see about that?" Choji slyly.

She looked around and saw the lecherous looks on Choji, Kiba, and Naruto's faces.

"I've found the mi…" Hinata started until she noticed the palm marks on the four men's faces including Akamaru's.

"What happened?"

"Did you all study under Jiraiya?" Ino asked.

"Hey, why did I get slapped?" Shikamaru asked. "You didn't slap Shino and I didn't say anything either."

"'Cuz if Temari were here," Ino said. "You'd have made her slap you by now."

They put the milk that Kurenai left in a bottle and tried to feed Asu but she refused the bottle and continued crying.

"Damn it," Kiba said as Hinata put the bottle on the table. "Why won't she stop crying?"

The bottle fell to the side rolling off of the table until it hit Choji on the foot causing him to let out a scream in pain, that's when Asu began to laugh.

"She must like it when Choji's hurt," Shino surmised in his head. "Naruto, Shikmaru, come here."

They both walked over as Asu began crying again.

"What is it, dead eyes?" Naruto asked. "Look alive."

"She laughs whenever Choji's in pain, it'll stop her crying."

"What should we do?" Shikamaru asked.

"You can kick him in the nuts," Shino suggested as Choji sneezed.

Shikamaru and Naruto rejoined the group and Naruto had a suggestion for Choji.

"Hey, maybe you should sing her a song, Choji," Naruto said. "What do you think?"

"Oh, you've heard of the melodious tones of my voice, have you?" Choji said confidently. "Here goes."

**Yura Yu…**

Choji is cut off as Naruto gives him a stiff kick to the groin flooring him.

"Naruto," Hinata said horrified. "Why?"

"What the hell?" shouted Ino.

"Ha ha ha," Kiba laughed with Akamaru. "Good one."

"Why the hell did you kick him in the nuts?" Ino asked.

"Look," Naruto said pointing to Asu.

To their surprise, Asu was laughing again.

"Well, I'll be damned," Kiba said. "And all we have to do is kick Choji's ass?"

"Looks that way" Ino said.

Shikamaru pulled Naruto to the side to work out a strategy.

"Naruto, I need you to really nail him this time," he whispered.

"Are you sure?" Naruto asked with a hint of genuine concern. "Don't you need him as a teammate 'cuz I'll tear him to shreds."

"Look, we don't need his nuts for a mission."

"What are you guys talking about?" Choji asked as he was recovering from the deafening pain.

"Nothing," Naruto and Shikamaru said.

Choji got up and Naruto got back into the action as Asu started to cry again.

"Hey, my foot slipped last time," he lied. "Why don't you sing another song, big man?"

"Kia!" Ino shouted as she unleashed her 16-Hit Combo on Choji's testicles before he began singing. "Ahh!"

Choji fell to the floor as the rest took their turns pummeling as Hinata held Asu with Ino especially riding Choji like a horse with Shino being the only one choosing not to participate.

"Yee-ha!" Ino shouted.

It wasn't long before they all got tired and Hinata had to join in as she straddled Choji and began to punch his groin.

"Stop it," Choji said through the gasps of pain.

That's when Sakura walked in with Lee and Gai.

"Hinata?" she yelled in surprise. "What the hell are you doing?"

Sakura rushed to Choji's side and started healing his testicles.

"Why?" Choji asked weakly.

He got his answer as Asu began crying again.

"See that?" Kiba said. "The baby likes it when Choji gets his ass kicked."

"What?" Sakura asked. "That is complete bullsh…"

They proved their point as Naruto stomped on Choji's foot and Asu started laughing again.

"Well, we can't have you doing this to Choji every time Kurenai's gone."

"Then what the hell are we supposed to do?" Ino asked. "This crying is really fuckin' with me."

That's when the crying stopped, they turned to find Gai cradling her in his arms as she cooed playfully.

"How did you do that?" Hinata asked in amazement.

"Ha ha, yes!" Gai said. "I just held her close to my heart and she felt the warmth of youth."

"That is the reason we came over with Sakura when we heard you were taking care of Asuma sensei's child."

"Lee, I couldn't have said it better myself," Gai added. "I can already tell that this child will grow up with the flame of youth.

Gai and Lee got struck their Nice Guy pose complete bodaciously shiny teeth, not to be outdone, Asu gave a thumbs up with an equally bright twinkle in her eye.

"It's glorious," Gai said.

**MESSAGE FROM lulamaemobster**

**HEY, GUYS, IT'S ME, lulamaemobster. THE HARDEST WORKER ON THIS SITE, I'M GIVING YOU THIS MESSAGE BECAUSE SOMETHING HAD TO GIVE AND IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S MY FANFICTIONING. I'M NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO CONTINUE SELLING OUT TO THE MAN WHILE TRYING TO GET MY ACTING/WRITING OFF OF THE GROUND AND KEEP UPDATING STORIES LIKE I USED TO. SO, I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT I WON'T BE ABLE TO MAINTAIN MY STORIES AND ANY STORY I DO WILL BE ONE SHOTS OR 2-3 CHAPTERS AT MOST. ALSO, ANYONE THAT WANTS TO CONTINUE MY UNFINISHED STORY(A.K.A. MY LEGACY;-b), SEND ME A PM OR EMAIL ME. ALL THAT ASK IS THAT YOU LET ME KNOW AND I'LL MESSAGE YOU BACK "MAFIA ALL DAY" AND GIVE YOU THE BIG THUMBS UP.**


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